kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,
kasey
allthingsshiny

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if it's all so good, why is it so bad?

Things really are getting better, but the stress of this last week has left lingering effects. I break at the littlest things. I've been short with the people i really care about. I'm having a hell of a time getting any enjoyment out of anything.

In short, I'm being a cranky, miserable, bitch.

Hopefully I will get over this. Hopefully it's just part of having such a bad week, and not the winter-long depression that tends to hit me. I was hoping to avoid that this year. The time between my birthday and New Year's is always tough for me ... holidays, and families, and all holidays mean for me is more work, and it gets hard to see everyone so close to their families when I'm often not on speaking terms with mine.




I went with dreammadeflesh and Tyler to see KMFDM tonight. Had fun, got there late, which was my own fault. Missed some of KMFDM, but I did manage to shove my way toward the front and saw them play "Juke Joint Jezebel" ... so it was cool. I feel bad for making us late ...

i feel bad lately for almost every action I take, and many that I don't take.

margarthemighty was a total sweetie and let me shower and get ready at her house, since I'm still not on speaking terms with my mother. Of course, I left my pictures at her house, so I couldn't show them to anyone. I am going back there tomorrow to get them ... I need to get them scanned in soon, but I don't know when I'm going to have a chance, since life will be busy for the next few days. Home at some point tonight, take care of the animals and pick up the beer bottles, and then work saturday night. Back home sunday morning, collapse and then clean. Michael has to work, so I'm up there by myself ...

note to charles ... i am now in possession of a memory card ... and guess who is single? no, not me.

anyway, Monday I have school, then work. Tuesday i have work. Wednesday morning, i go home, and then a friend of mine wants to hang out, and i may do it if i can arrange safe and neutral circumstances. and if i can do it without pissing anyone else off.

I finally caved and set up an account for myself at 3do, so I can type on this thing while Michael shoots things. I'm not liking the idea of paying for my computer time, though. Someday I'll start playing the games again. Maybe.

ack ... head hurts ... need more alcohol. I think i may be developing issues with that. but i need some sort of stress management ...
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  • 14 comments

  • everything came together perfectly

    I'm in Nashville. In my beautiful house, with all my wonderful animals, and i'm in love with the man sleeping with his head on my lap right now.…

  • unburdening

    Writing it all out last night took a huge load off my heart. He was here today, and we talked about a lot of stuff. I know we can't be married.…

  • what the fuck happened to my marriage?

    He left me. I don't want to be writing this down. I don't want to see it in print. I drop hints and talk about my misery and beg for support from…