It's so weird ... I love getting together with my friends, I love seeing people at TC, but I only enjoy it in limited quantity ... If i stay a second longer than I want to, I get so antsy and spastic ...
Nico gave me some nifty stickers today, with which I think I will decorate my laptop and my fridge. Yay. Dasan is such a sweetie ... one child I actually like. He will be a rock star someday. Somewhat disturbing to hear "american son" coming from the mouth of a four-year-old.
I think of the future ... what i want, and why, and the odds of things going in the direction i like ... i'm more hopeful about my future (both personal and professional) than I have ever really been before. Things are going so well ... I'm incredibly, overwhelmingly happy in the relationship I'm in. I'm being given more and more responsibility at work and I think I am handling it well. I've been proving to myself that I am capable of doing well in school, and I have realistic goals. Things are ... i think ... good.
Now if I could only keep my brain from freaking out on me ... I've got that wonderful tendency to destroy good things, and I don't want to do that this time. I want to keep this ...
I've got to make peace with my family ... I spoke to my mom today, and she was curt and made it pretty clear that she would rather me not talk to her. So I won't, for now. But it's pretty fucking icy in that house. At least they'll all be gone for the weekend, after tomorrow night.
My dad gave me back the credit card that I gave to him to pay for my car's repairs. I asked him how much money he had put on the card, and he said none.
I wish he wouldn't do that.
I had the resources to pay for my car's repairs.
What my dad does for me because he wants to help me out, my mom holds against me later. Now she has a few thousand more dollars to hold over my head.
I am grateful, don't get me wrong. But it's just easier, in the long run, when I pay for my stuff.
I fucking hate the holidays ... something about this whole season bothers me. The commercialism, the hipocricy, the idea that gift-giving is obligated to a certain day. I'm getting my family presents, though I'd rather give things when I find something good. I really can't pin it down to one thing, except maybe just the regimen of it. On this day you will eat lots of food, and turkey must be a part of it. On this day you will pretend you like your family and exchange presents with them, and you will not laugh at your aunt's hideous christmas sweater with embroidered reindeer. You will lie to your children about a mythological fat guy in red who brings gifts, instead of teaching them to appreciate what you give them.
maybe I'm just bitter.
thanks for listening to me ramble.