kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

  • Mood:
  • Music:
I've been feeling odd tonight ... lots of thoughts circling in my head, none really staying around long enough to be complete. Lots of people around tonight, and lots of little things happening. I don't feel like writing the details, and others have documented it better. Lots of people usually means overstimulation for me, and after a couple hours of it I was looking for a means of escape but didn't find one until I went to work. Michael showed up after 11 ... nice to see him ... Time is so short right now, I don't get to see nearly enough of him. And all to often, it is like it was tonight, a few minutes stolen between my work/his school/my school/his work. Tomorrow, I have a bunch of stuff to do before I go to sleep, so i think I'm going to stop by and distract him before he goes to school.

It's so weird ... I love getting together with my friends, I love seeing people at TC, but I only enjoy it in limited quantity ... If i stay a second longer than I want to, I get so antsy and spastic ...

Nico gave me some nifty stickers today, with which I think I will decorate my laptop and my fridge. Yay. Dasan is such a sweetie ... one child I actually like. He will be a rock star someday. Somewhat disturbing to hear "american son" coming from the mouth of a four-year-old.

I think of the future ... what i want, and why, and the odds of things going in the direction i like ... i'm more hopeful about my future (both personal and professional) than I have ever really been before. Things are going so well ... I'm incredibly, overwhelmingly happy in the relationship I'm in. I'm being given more and more responsibility at work and I think I am handling it well. I've been proving to myself that I am capable of doing well in school, and I have realistic goals. Things are ... i think ... good.

Now if I could only keep my brain from freaking out on me ... I've got that wonderful tendency to destroy good things, and I don't want to do that this time. I want to keep this ...

I've got to make peace with my family ... I spoke to my mom today, and she was curt and made it pretty clear that she would rather me not talk to her. So I won't, for now. But it's pretty fucking icy in that house. At least they'll all be gone for the weekend, after tomorrow night.
My dad gave me back the credit card that I gave to him to pay for my car's repairs. I asked him how much money he had put on the card, and he said none.
I wish he wouldn't do that.
I had the resources to pay for my car's repairs.
What my dad does for me because he wants to help me out, my mom holds against me later. Now she has a few thousand more dollars to hold over my head.
I am grateful, don't get me wrong. But it's just easier, in the long run, when I pay for my stuff.

I fucking hate the holidays ... something about this whole season bothers me. The commercialism, the hipocricy, the idea that gift-giving is obligated to a certain day. I'm getting my family presents, though I'd rather give things when I find something good. I really can't pin it down to one thing, except maybe just the regimen of it. On this day you will eat lots of food, and turkey must be a part of it. On this day you will pretend you like your family and exchange presents with them, and you will not laugh at your aunt's hideous christmas sweater with embroidered reindeer. You will lie to your children about a mythological fat guy in red who brings gifts, instead of teaching them to appreciate what you give them.

maybe I'm just bitter.

thanks for listening to me ramble.

  • Love.

    Sometimes you have to go 2000 miles to get to the one. So worth it. Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

  • (no subject)

    It's already getting wild out here, and I've completely re-evaluated my definition of "behaving myself". All the fun. Posted via LiveJournal…

  • everything came together perfectly

    I'm in Nashville. In my beautiful house, with all my wonderful animals, and i'm in love with the man sleeping with his head on my lap right now.…

  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.