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my house is now apathy central

So I had planned for Ben to come up here yesterday, but he had other things going on. So after I got off the phone with him around one, i decided i had nothing better to do and went back to sleep until after five, since Michael was still asleep and I have no life.

Woke up, watched some FFX, went out to dinner and paid with a credit card that isn't maxed out. Yay Thai food ... I've been eating that a lot lately ... it's fairly cheap, there's good Thai places here and in OC, and they know how to use their tofu.

After dinner, I really didn't feel well ... I've been congested and a bit sickly for a while now, but it was really bothering me last night. I've started coughing again. I'm in lovely condition.

I also fell into a bit of apathetic depression, for a while ... over nothing, but I just couldn't bring myself to give any sort of a fuck about anything for a few hours, then I distracted myself with video game until the sun came up.

Michael left in the middle of the night, since he had to work today.
I hate the distance. I really fucking hate the distance ... some nights nothing would make me happier than to just sleep next to him, and we so often can't ...
sometimes i wish i'd never moved out here. But I can't make it in OC ... and all things for their reasons ... if i hadn't bought this house ... if the timing had been different ... i may not be in the same position.
Someday I'll move back home. Either that or move far away ... no more of this middle ground ...
I should be grateful that i have a place to live. That I was given the opportunity to by this place at my age, when so many of my friends are dealing with their first apartments, or still at home. I am grateful ... but there are pros and cons, and the distance from Michael is such a con.

I get sad, and i get to worrying, i get paranoid, and that isn't good for things. I need to calm down.
I need reassurance and security to do that.




Gurgie now immitates the sound of cats fighting. With frightening accuracy. From my room, I can't tell if there is a catfight going on, or if the bird is just in a mood ...

Sammy has taken up near-permanent residence in a cabinet under the microwave. He seems happy enough there, though I wish he'd come out and be more social. Michael says he was before I came home with Flea, who is a bastard to the cats. He really needs to be a kitty by himself ...
Since Sammy's arrival, Goyle has taken up marking the corner near the front door again. This is not happy news for me or my carpet.

I've got so much stuff to do at work tonight it's not even funny ... I faxed a questionnaire to referring vets the other day, and I've got to start organizing the results. Ive got to do the drug logs for the last four days. I've got to start working on the new girl's schedule. I've got to do some work on the A/R stuff. Oh, and then there's the animals ... gotta work on those, too. Soon, I'm going to have to start coming in during the day.
I'm very anxious to know how much my raise will be and when it will be put through ...

I'm very anxious all the time. maybe that's part of my problem. Maybe valium will help ... except that I don't have enough time for the sleep that will inevitably result ...

back to Kingdom Hearts ... yay escapism.

Comments

( 3 made me bleed — cut me )
hamsterhuey
Jan. 11th, 2004 09:38 am (UTC)
*nudges you with his head*

when are you home during the week this week?
allthingsshiny
Jan. 11th, 2004 07:54 pm (UTC)
fuck if i know.
hamsterhuey
Jan. 11th, 2004 11:35 pm (UTC)
Well let me know if you need any company.
( 3 made me bleed — cut me )

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