kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

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hurt me ... fix me ...

I have found that it is easier to do homework when I am not drunk. Imagine that. I finally finished it. A case study of the management style of Amazon.com. A dull paper from a dull textbook for a dull class.
And I get to do this every week. Whee.

I'm a little less emotionally fragile than i was yesterday. My eyes burn from crying. poor michael is too good about carrying some of my burden. And I know how much of it is stupid, how much better off I would probably be if i just took the pills that they have always tried to give me, but i'm too fucking stubborn.

I've been told several times now that I'm in the wrong for refusing to pick sides when friends separate. I don't think this is correct. I wouldn't expect anyone to pick sides if i get into a dispute. Sometimes I can see the wrongness or rightness or stubbornness of both sides. Sometimes I decide that it's not my problem.
I don't know why I'm writing about this. I'll probably just piss more people off without meaning to. It's just something that's been on my mind.

School tonight and I'm nervous. I haven't written any sort of a paper since high school ... and i graduated in '97 ... after school, travel to OC and start working on the server that has to be up and running by noon tomorrow.

Zach and Tina (justine) have been in touch with me by e-mail lately. It's nice to know that Zach doesn't hate me, though if i were in his position, I might. He's way too nice a person to deserve the girl I was at that point ... confused, angry, brandnew sober, and looking for some thing safe.
Tina ... I miss tina. she may be coming to stay with me for a while. I could use the company. She could use the break from routine. She has been one of the people I've gotten through life relying on ... for as fucked up as her life can be, she can be a rock of stability. And she knows how to keep me from freaking out.

Why do I feel i have to play with the wax of melting candles? I end up with wax on my fingers and a smooshy candle.

i want a girl who's too sad to give a fuck...

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