kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

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five minute hate

I'd write what's going on in my head, but it's really just a reiteration of the past few entries. things, i am constantly reassured, are getting better, but in my own head, it is not. I'm really losing touch with what is real and what is rational and I'm catching myself becoming more and more paranoid. i worry ... i don't know how far from reality my mind is. at least i'm catching myself.

i was trying to keep things all bottled up until at least friday, but sleep deprivation screws with self control and fucks up my policy of not crying at work.

at least tomorrow i'll get to sleep all night. After my abnormal psych class, of course. befitting.

have i mentioned that michael is wonderful? he's keeping me going right now, helping me see that all of my issues will have a foreseeable end point. He has helped me see what is real and what is clouded by stress and exhaustion.

I'm supposed to be working right now.
I work enough. They can bite me.
I'm tired of the animosity that goes around this office.
I'm tired of the communication issues with the owners.
I'm tired of the vet that works on Sundays that will not be nice to clients. They then call me and tell me that they're going to refuse to pay their bills. This makes me sad.
People not paying their bills means no raise for Kasey.

Nico gave me a beautiful shiny tiara. I need to figure out how to securely attach it to my head, and wear it out. Possibly with my black tutu and my stripey tights. Oh, i'll dress like I wanted to when I was four, and now no one can tell me not to.

three more days to get through ... then i can fall down for a while.

michael and i decided that i am taking a vacation, sooner rather than later. No more excuses about time, I will take a saturday off and go to the river. I will sit on the sand and stare at the stars. I will be without responsibility for a few days. No more excuses, no more delays, no more falling apart.

sorry if i'm not making a lot of sense. nothing is.

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