kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

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miserable human being

I'm really not good for anybody right now.
Spent way too much of yesterday afternoon and last night and this morning crying. Seems like whenever i'm not distracted or drunk, i'm crying. I cannot continue to expect Michael to take care of me when I'm this sad. He's the one that gets stuck with the worst of it, because i don't allow anyone else to see me like that. Lucky him, he gets to be the one that i trust with all of my emotional bullshit.

in between crying jags last night, i did get the chance to fire rick spicer (damn, that felt good) and we went to visit with Joe and Cody. I love going over there. Cody is a doll, Joe has been a friend of mine for years, and cody's friend leah is really cool. She joined right in with the making fun of michael.
I really need to get that pirate game that they have.

We had to drive all the way up to Moreno Valley and back last night, just to check on the kitties and feed the bird. That was really less than fun. has to be done though, if i'm going to end up spending most of my time in OC.
I really can't continue like this, though. I need more stability in my schedule than i've got. my only free time ends up being like 5am on thursdays. I refused to work last night on the grounds that i had made plans to go see Season (and they managed to keep me long enough to screw that up). I called someone in, got them to work rick's shift, so all was good and covered ... i can't work every night.

I'm fucking tired of my mom bitching at me and then allowing me no chance to rectify whatever i did to piss her off.
"Look. I'm in here painting over the spot where you got hair dye on the wall."
"I can do that. Here, let me do it."
"No, i'm already doing it. Don't bother."
"I can ..."
"Just don't dye your hair anymore."

it's frustrating.

I'm frustrated in so many ways.
But it's okay. Michael is going to stay with me sunday.
Since he doesn't have a car right now, i'm going to pick him up after work, 9am or so, and drive up to MoVal with him sleeping next to me in the car. And then I have all day Sunday to clean my house and maybe even relax a bit. And if i'm lucky, i can go get Thai food.

I can't wait until i get to go to the river.

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