kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,
kasey
allthingsshiny

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trampled

my mother is now upset with me that I pull out the trundle bed at the river so that michael and i can share a bed. she declared that she doesn't see why we can't just sleep in the separate twin beds that are down there, as there is no need for us to share a bed.
i'm 23 years old.
i am a somewhat responsible adult.
i lead a semblance of an adult life.
unlike my mother, i will never be wearing a maternity dress at my own wedding.
nor will i get married on the front porch of a mobile home.

i didn't really need to cry again.
she has been on my case about ten different things today, this is just the one that is aggravating me the most.

i don't know what it is lately, but she's been crueler than usual. I hate being here. I hate that my dad, as wonderful as he can be, won't look to see what she does to me.

i don't know why i spend so much energy trying to be her friend. she doesn't like me and i should accept that, instead of striving for approval.

if i could afford to, i would cut all ties. I'll never be as perfect as my brother. i am tied by pursestrings.

maybe i could do it. it's worth my own mental health.

if anything would drive me back to drugs, it would be that woman ... i want a warm grey place where it doesn't matter ... i want to be numb. i want this not to hurt me.
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  • 10 comments

  • Love.

    Sometimes you have to go 2000 miles to get to the one. So worth it. Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

  • (no subject)

    It's already getting wild out here, and I've completely re-evaluated my definition of "behaving myself". All the fun. Posted via LiveJournal…

  • everything came together perfectly

    I'm in Nashville. In my beautiful house, with all my wonderful animals, and i'm in love with the man sleeping with his head on my lap right now.…