i want to do it without taking the pills
no one seems to think that i can
and i'm rather upset that some people don't seem to have any faith in me
i feel like things are spinning out of control and there is little i can do about it ... and am i going to do more damage by trying to stop it or by standing still and hoping for an eye to this storm.
family life sucks.
home life sucks. i never get to see my home anyway.
work life is really sucking, and what do i do when the people who direct me won't see that they're part of the problem? I work with a bunch of game playing, catty bitches.
I'd quit if i didn't love that hospital. it could be so much better.
if another offer were to come along ... my loyalty has been shattered.
i'm probably driving him away, i'm sure he's sick of me. I don't blame him, i wouldn't want to deal with me either. and this idea kills me ... tears my heart out.
"and maybe ... you're gonna be the one that saves me ..."
i don't know that anyone could save me now.
what the fuck do i have to keep going for? i have my cats and the Flea to take care of. i have michael. i've driven away most of my friends by choice ... people call and i say i don't want to talk, i'm busy, so that i can avoid everyone and go back to staring at the floor. michael isn't going to keep propping me up for the world, and i shouldn't burden him with that. I'm a costly burden to my family ... i'm not supposed to exist in the first place. i've been told that so many times.
i can't keep living like this ... and i don't know what else to do.