funny how these things work out.
It would be nice to have a roommate - not only would the extra money help, but i don't really live alone by choice - i live alone because no one else wants to live in the 909. A little company would be nice. I'd feel better knowing someone is there on nights that i'm not.
in conversation earlier, it was decided that it was probably for the best that i did not knit back when i did lots of speed. I probably would have ended up with a house cozy.
i should be in bed right now ... i left michael and 3DO specifically so that i could come here and go to sleep, but i can't sleep.
tomorrow we're going to go by the gym near his house and see how much money they want to take from us to work out there ... i'm only getting pudgier as i get older.
I've never been thin. I don't aim to be thin. I come from sturdy peasant stock. In high school, while doing all the speed i was talking about a minute before, i got down to about 120, 125. On my frame, it was skeletal. Shoulders and hipbones poked out. you could have served soup in the hollows around my collarbones. It was not attractive.
Or in the pro-anorexic world we exist in, maybe it was.
Anyway, what i'm trying to say is that my goal is not to be bony. I want to be healthy. I want to get stronger. If that even means i get bigger, so be it. Muscle is a good thing.
Michael was being kinda cranky at me tonight and I'm not sure why. Not too seriously, just in ways that i know he thinks is funny, but sometimes it grates at me. I think he wasn't happy that I used his computer to write a letter, but he said i could ...
who knows with that boy.
so much to do after I wake up ... and i don't even have a clear plan.
