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down again

I'm sad as fuck, i'm alone, i'm paranoid, i have a four page paper due on wednesday that i have barely started. i can't see michael until wednesday, at the earliest. i want to be in the car and on my way right now, but i don't even have the motivation to get in the shower. my therapist is gone for two weeks. i doubt i actually have anything to be sad about, but that thought doesn't make me any less miserable.

how can i make anyone else happy when i can't even make myself happy?


( 9 made me bleed — cut me )
May. 4th, 2004 04:48 am (UTC)
Just because you aren't happy doesn't mean that you can't make someone else happy. Really people make their own happiness and if you happen to be something that someone else makes themselves happy about, all the better.
May. 4th, 2004 05:09 pm (UTC)
to be more direct about it, i don't want to make anyone sad. little makes me happy more than making others happy.
May. 4th, 2004 04:52 am (UTC)
I hate the insecurity that can go along with sadness. I'm so sorry you feel this way. I know exactly how it feels and it's not fun at all. You're in my thoughts.

PS - People are complete packages. That means good with the bad. I don't know about you, but I'd be pretty bored if it were only one way or the other.
May. 4th, 2004 05:11 pm (UTC)
you have it right ... the sadder i get, the more insecure i get, which means i have more to worry about, and i dig myself into these horrible pits of insecurity and freak myself out.

i'm scared that the bad overwhelms the good.

thank you for your kind words.
May. 4th, 2004 06:37 am (UTC)
no clue..but you make me happy all the time.

your post sounds exactly like something i have thought a million times.
i usually distract myself with t.v. but i don't think that is the best idea. i think people say you are supposed to feel and search yourself and learn how to make yourself feel better, or some shit.
May. 4th, 2004 05:12 pm (UTC)
Re: hmmm
i've never really figured out why i make you happy. but it's so nice to see.

i have run out of things to distract myself with, and just get lost in the void.
May. 4th, 2004 07:23 am (UTC)
There are things in life that will make us unhappy, and things that make us happy. You have many things going on in your life that you've described as making you happy. I know having Michael around is one of them, and not having him around is the opposite, and I'm not going to try to make you optimistic about it, but you do HAVE Michael, albeit a couple times a week, but that's better than most people have right now.

I wish I could think of something else to help you with hon, but just remember that there are good things there, things that do make you happy. You just have to look for them.
May. 4th, 2004 05:14 pm (UTC)
To be logical, yes, i have good things.
if there were logical explanations for the way i felt, it would all be so much easier to deal with. i would have things to fix.
May. 4th, 2004 05:21 pm (UTC)
I think, in my unprofessional opinion, that you need to celebrate the things that are good in your life more often, and maybe then you may have a better mood.

I think also you need to go out with Michael and a bunch of people and get silly drunk and just have a great time. God I miss being silly drunk. I don't think most people I know have social gatherings anymore, more like either party or public or alone. We need more stich and bitch type things where people sit down and to [insert socialbly enjoyable thing here] and enjoy friends and activities. Drunken IKEA is also another idea, though I can't participate in the consumption for a few more months.
( 9 made me bleed — cut me )

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