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I am less afraid than I thought. Comparatively, anyway.
I drink too much wine. I’m quite fond of shiraz right now.
I cycle through groups of friends in a regular, two year pattern. I keep the ones I like best.
Most of the time, I just don't care. about? anything.
I’m far too enthusiastic about dog shows.
I work both too much and too little.
I wish my boyfriend had more time to spend with me.
I wish I had more time to spend with him.
I’m gonna miss this kitten when I give it to Steph.
I get envious when I pass registry stations in stores. I want to get married. Not now. Someday. I just want to know that I’m going to.
I worry. A lot. All the time.
Everything I do, I’ve gone over in my head ten times first.
My house is always a mess.
I have little motivation sometimes.
I like boys.
I like girls.
This causes problems sometimes. Sometimes not.
I try to behave and fail regularly.
I have a shopping problem. The balances on my credit cards are ridiculous.
I don’t know how to deal with people I don’t like anymore.
Sometimes I feel really shallow.
I have food issues. I’m overweight.
I can’t lie and find it difficult to be honest.
I embrace silence.
I enjoy decorating my pets for my amusement.
I have too many pets.
My parents aren’t very good at being parents. My dad is oblivious and my mom buys me.
I have both envy and pity for my younger brother.
I limit myself.
School scares me.
Success scares me.
I don’t know what I want to do with my life.
I hate the weak.
I enjoy sex. A lot. More than you, probably. To an unhealthy level, maybe.
I want things I shouldn't have.
I like the hurting.
I hate most kids.
I've done ridiculous amounts of drugs. I want to do them again, but i don't, because i am in love. There are some I'd love to do with the one i love, but I can't push. That would be wrong.
There isn't a day that goes by that i don't think about drugs.
I envy the life I chose to leave.
The 18 year old me would have no respect for the 23 year old me.
If she came back, it would be hard to say no. I'd do it, but it would be hard.
I'm biased - cats over dogs.
i don't like me.
If he left, it would destroy me.

do you feel like you know me better now?


( 10 made me bleed — cut me )
Jul. 3rd, 2004 06:43 pm (UTC)
There's a lot of things we share a lot in common, and a few not as much.

Most of them I've pretty much figured out, and the only thing I would change in you is how much you worry. Maybe the kids thing, because for some reason I think you'd be an amazing mom. Worrying a lot usually makes them better anyway...

Jul. 3rd, 2004 07:09 pm (UTC)
even if i could be an amazing mom, it's the last thing i'd want to waste my life doing. there are enough people here.

i don't know that i'd change a whole lot, but i'm just trying to acknowledge and be honest with who i am.
Jul. 3rd, 2004 07:03 pm (UTC)
Crimson Negative

A trickle of red drip drip dripping from the point of injury, not pain, running down your dangling fingers, dangling in time, painting pictures, stark and vivid, a hopeless beauty wasted on a dingy tile floor. The bathtub wasn't working out as well as you'd thought, the faded pink swirls twisting about in soon to be ice cold water kissing all the memories of you in my head, in my heart, of you all pretty in pink, the Pink Panther pointing his nose layed across your perfect pose through my camera into my wanting eyes. As I sit there holding your once loving hands now cool to the touch, totally void of the friend I once longed for, depleated of life and candid smiles you claimed I brought out in you. "So rare," you spoke to me in a breathy voice with hair dyed the colour of the floor. I try to pick you up in my fragile arms, trembling inside, shaking violently and it's no use, the tears pour down my face like a torrid river so useless they seem since you can't see the way I cry.

For you.

I want to take a picture of you, one last time, before I do my best to spend the rest of my life forgetting how you looked, so beautiful and tragic through my eyes. The eyes that I wish so fucking bad you could see with when I gaze into you.

Benjamin Wright

Jul. 3rd, 2004 07:10 pm (UTC)
no one ever makes me feel as beautiful as you do ...
Jul. 3rd, 2004 08:09 pm (UTC)
i'm really glad you did this...
Jul. 3rd, 2004 08:29 pm (UTC)
just out of curiousity ... why?
Jul. 5th, 2004 04:13 pm (UTC)
I always find it interesting when people have the courage to be honest...
small things, big things..whatever.
I should do one too.
Maybe on my day off.
Jul. 5th, 2004 04:28 pm (UTC)
it would be interesting to see.
Jul. 6th, 2004 07:31 am (UTC)
I really will. I tried to do it tonight. But I already posted this survey thing that I ended up doing twice cause LJ is being retarded.
Jul. 6th, 2004 02:34 pm (UTC)
I could say a lot of this myself.
( 10 made me bleed — cut me )

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