March 11th, 2003



Christine's new sign for "blah" ...

I got the insomnia so bad ... fell asleep finally after 5, 5:30 maybe, and I wake up every hour to nothing, once with my heart racing and terror like there was a bad dream, but I don't remember any of it. And finally at 8:30 I can't get back to sleep at at, and I say "Fuck it" and make a salad for breakfast. Ceasar, even. Ok, it was from a bag. But I mixed it.

Brush your hair back from your eyes
Take you down, let the river flow

Makes me wanna ... Not that I ever get the chance ...

Talked to my friend Jesse yesterday, who took off to Illinois a while back due to warrants and a nasty drug problem. We talk by e-mail usually, and he called yesterday. He didn't know about Jeff ... We were talking about my ex Scotty, who is a friend of his, and I mention that I saw him at the funeral. "Who's funeral?" Fuck ...

So I tell the story again, and reopen a wound. So many people cared about jeff ... and I keep running into ones that didn't know.

Saw something really funny ... years ago, I had a friend alex. He was in a crappy punk band when I knew him, and was dating Eleni for a while. I haven't run into him in a long time. His band turned into Atreyu, and got all big ... I was talking to Cryss the other day, and he mentioned that someone had said that they saw Atreyu on MTV. So I go on Kazaa last night, and search for "Atreyu" under videos ... lo and behold ... and I laughed my ass off at fucking alex in a music video ... but one of the crappy punk bands I hung around as a teenage punk girl is doing well, and that makes me happy.

Today, off to get the nails done ... and maybe try to nap ... and I promise, I'll come down there today. Since everyone is begging me ...
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