April 14th, 2003

balloons

thinking too much again

I have this idea about life.

I look at is as a trip I only get to take once, so I should enjoy the ups and downs of the ride as much as possible. Love every experience for it's own sake, positive or negative, exciting or bland. Just to feel something, anything, is beautiful in itself.

Ben calls me a hopeless optimist for this.

Sometimes I wonder if I take too passive a view of things. Am I just being a passenger here, should I be taking a more active role in my own path? Do more to create the ups and downs?

But I am afraid of all things new and different, afraid of people, afraid of myself. So I settle into safe patterns and then wonder why this ride becomes monotonous.

I've got to stop being so afraid somehow.
  • Current Music
    MC 900 Ft. Jesus - While the City Sleeps