May 3rd, 2003


a most fucked day.

"My left brain knows that my love is fleeting" - White Stripes

It's the right side of my brain that gives me issues. The side that is too emotional, too attached, too ... i don't know. The side that gives a fuck about people.

Every time I have made any sort of emotional investment in anyone as of late, i get my heart ripped out. And I knew this was coming, it had been discussed previously ... either of us could walk away at any time, no hurt, no hard feelings.

I didn't think there would be any hurt. I thought I could handle it. I am not so strong. Long story short, i took this all harder than i expected to.

but I have good friends ... Marge was with me for a phone call that made my heart sink, and did a damn good job of trying to make me feel better ... I was at TC for a bit, not doing so well, and needed escape ... went and saw Michael at work. We talked, I ate yummy tofu, I felt better. And back to TC for a while ...

Went out with Michael after he got off work, to a loudly claustrophobic bar ... whiskey makes me feel better. People that care make me feel better. I don't know about all this ... the logical side of me will take over fairly quickly, but like i've said to others, it's not the pain that gets to me but the shock. Physical, emotional, whatnot. Spent a long time talking to Michael. A great comfort. One of the few who i trust enough to actually let see my emotions.

Oh, and I got a new bass from Andy, and it's beautiful and matches my eyeshadow.

And I (barely) rear-ended a BMW in the rain, but no real damage and no reporting of it ... i think the little Vietnamese lady in the BMW was scared of me.

It's just been one of those days, worse than most.
  • Current Music
    Damned - Smash it up

still no good.

Even if done for the most noble reasons, what is best for all involved, it still hurts.

It had been a long time since i cried myself to sleep ...

And I'm at work tonight ... 12 hours of solitary thinking to deal with.

I'll get over this. I have vegas to look forward to. I have my friends. I have not lost a friend. Just something a bit more.
  • Current Music
    Agent Orange - Bloodstains