June 2nd, 2003


My family is not good for my sanity

I've spent most of my waking day with them ... I'll be out of here shortly, but my god, so far it's been stressful.

I embarrass my mother. It's not even that she doesn't want to be seen with me, she doesn't want me going anywhere that she knows people.

That hurts.

She also told me that she doesn't trust me or my friends not to "break everything."

She hasn't even met my friends.

I am still 16 in her mind. I wish I could tell her how much has changed in recent years, but she wouldn't understand and she would hold it against me, more wrongs that i have done. Regardless of what has been made right.

She can say this stuff to me, and then five minutes later come ask me to help her put ringtones on her phone, and wants to have the same song i do. Like nothing is wrong. She has no clue.

She wants to tear out the brick and iron fence in front of her house. She called it "dated", i argued "classic" and "distinctive".
I asked if she tears it down, could i have the pieces so I could build my own fence. She does not take me seriously.

I think the fence is beautiful. My plan, if she is seriously going to tear down this fence, is to chain myself to it in protest.

See how embarrassing that is, your daughter chained to the fence in front of your house.

my sanity, though ... more fragile than i try to convince myself ... i forget how bad it gets.

went to dinner with stephanie tonight. Took her to Augustino's, one of my favorite little places ... dinner was nice, and i feel better. I am a much happier person than i was a few hours ago.

I may not be back down after tonight until I have to work again ... I've been neglecting my house and my mind, and I can't deal with some people, certain people right now. So I will hide. I know it's not the healthiest way to deal, but it's not the worst, either.
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    Apacolypticta - Nothing Else Matters