June 4th, 2003


insomnia ...

I got a good half an hour of sleep before my phone rang ... and I had to answer it, because I am compulsive like that ... and because I recognized the ring.

i continue to torture myself.

So i talked long enough to be fully awake, and I have spent the last hour with my eyes closed, head under a pillow, trying to get back to sleep. not happening.

my mind won't slow down. all the worries to the surface ... I'm worried about marge ... marge's cat ... my river plans that are going nowhere ... school ... I worry that me emotional neediness as of late will drive people away ... i worry that i am alone ... and will stay this way ... i worry about my mental state ... all this undirected rage and energy. I'm in a mood to smash bottles just for the satisfaction of hearing breaking glass ... moods like this get me in trouble.

can't relax ...

I'm no good at being alone.
  • Current Mood
    restless restless

stolen from stephinextremis

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there goes any free time I had before work ... I was supposed to meet up with someone this afternoon, but that's not going to happen and I doubt he's awake yet anyway.

Apparently I'll be taking care of Bacardi (margarthemighty's cat) tonight at work ... I'm glad she made it through last night, and I hope she does ok.

And maybe, if i'm lucky, which i'm usually not, I'll find something going on after work. maybe I'll make some phone calls.
  • Current Mood
    apathetic apathetic