June 17th, 2003


Simply being loved is more than enough

Be so proud of me.

I went to school yesterday.

It wasn't nearly as traumatic as i was prepared for. I like the class. I like history, so that makes sense. I still need to go buy my textbook, hopefully I will have time on Wednesday.

I am quite proud of myself. I even answered questions in class ... usually i won't speak around people I don't know. But 10% of the grade is participation in class discussion, so I'm making an effort with that.

Realized about 5 minutes before I had to leave for class that I had no paper and didn't know where I left my parking pass ... i am so never prepared for anything. But I even managed to get that together.

went by TC after class ... was unsure if I was going to go by after school, but I got two phone calls from the same person to see if I was going to come by, and that was just too cute to pass up ...

and hello kitty playing cards, and medical discussions with kim, and kelly making bad jokes, ben showing up staring but not talking, more pda than I am used to being involved in, that was my night.

and to work ... no patients, but quite the list of things to do, left by Dr. Harris.

1. Please clean the incubator and make it *sparkle*!
2. Clean fingerprints from cabinet handles.
3. Make laundry room *sparkle*
4. Eradicate dust bunnies!

if you've ever seen my house ... I don't clean. I can if I have to, but i really don't like to. But I begrudgingly take on this list of tasks. Take apart the incubator and scrub the hell out of it. Move everything out of the laundry room and scrub the hell out of it. Scrub the cabinet faces. And I chased down the dust bunnies.

I was very tempted to get my glitter lip gloss out of the car and smear it all over the incubator and the laundry room for the *sparkling* effect Dr. Harris wanted, but I figured that would be counter-productive.

I joked with her in the morning that the next time she wanted to have such a list of projects done, it was Joe's (the other graveyard tech) turn to do it. Her reply was that when she gives projects to Joe, they don't get done. So I get all this crap because other people simply don't do it. Something strikes me as unfair here.

Michael came in around the middle of my shift and hung out for a while ... i love seeing him while I work ... I love seeing him whenever ... i'm such a giddy girl over this ... I'm so very happy things are going well ...

and i have so much going through my mind about everything, all of this ... this isn't the place to write most of it.

i've really got to let my guard down ... I am terrified of being hurt. I need to relax and allow myself to be vulnerable ... the best things in life really are a risk ...

my head spins sometimes ... i don't understand why, but how could I question something so good?

plans ... i have plans ... i want to rearrange my house ... move my computer desk downstairs, get the rolltop desk from my mom's house and put it in my room ... still need to go by IKEA and look at a dining room table ... must con boys into helping me move furniture ...

and i have this whole week scheduled out and not enough time to get anything done ... today i will get a bit of sleep, then i have to be in Orange by 5 to get my hair cut, try to stop maybe at the Block and find a bathing suit, then meet up with Michael and go watch british Sci-Fi ... tomorrow i need to get my oil changed, clean my house, clean my car, get a textbook, and be at school from 6-9 ... Thursday I have to work in the afternoon and try to go to the grocery store ... And Friday I will be leaving for the river, for water and sun and desert.

and then i don't have to worry about anything for a couple of days.
  • Current Music
    Misfits - Children in Heat