June 18th, 2003


I'm not a god, I was just misquoted!

this is interesting, and more accurate than i like to admit. Stolen from stephinextremis and eamajyn ... they have the link ... i don't feel like fucking with the html to post it ...

Your Existing Situation
Unable to exert the effort to achieve her objectives. Feels neglected, desiring greater security, warm affection, and fewer problems.

Your Stress Sources
Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads her to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises.

Your Restrained Characteristics
Remains emotionally unattached even when involved in a close relationship.
Circumstances are forcing her to compromise, to restrain her demands and hopes, and to forgo for the time being some of the things she wants.

Your Desired Objective
Preoccupied with things of an intensely exciting nature, whether erotically stimulating or otherwise. Wants to be regarded as an exciting and interesting personality with an altogether charming and impressive influence on others. Uses tactics skillfully so as to avoid endangering her chances of success or undermining others' confidence in herself.

Your Actual Problem
Disappointment and the fear that there is no point in formulating fresh goals have led to stress and anxiety. She wants congenial contact with others and scope for development, but feels that her relationships are empty and her progress impeded. She reacts with an intense and zealous activity designed to achieve her aims at all costs.

Got my hair cut yesterday ... said fuck it and took off a lot ... I've kinda got the Uma Thurman in Pulp fiction cut I have said for a long time I wanted and never had the balls to do ...
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and I colored it again tonight ... it looks better, but i just can't hit the color I'm looking for. It is not nearly as orange as it looks in the pic. But it's a work in progress.

all sorts of awkwardness tonight ... subtle, maybe, but definitely there. And I wasn't the only one who picked up on it. I want to be able to be with all my friends without tension, or drama ... but i have done what I have done, don't regret my actions, and no going back.

Red Dwarf is so funny ... glad I got to see a few episodes of that at andy's.

So much to do when i wake up ... none of it will get done, of course. I will oversleep, rush to school, and get nothing done until the night. But I am planning on staying up here Wednesday night. My cats will be happy, and I can get the house stuff done.
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    amused amused

internal debate

I've rearranged my living room. not a huge change, but significant. The rearranging is in preparation for me to move my computer desk down there. And I'm thinking ... maybe I should just do that tonight, while I have the motivation ... and then some other part thinks, no, you idiot, the computer desk is way too heavy for you to move down the twisty narrow stairs by yourself ...

and if anyone hears that i'm in the hospital anytime soon, it would probably be some injury as a result of me being stubborn and trying to move my desk down the stairs.

and if i don't update for a while, it is because I can't figure out how to get my computer back together.

so i'm debating doing that, and I'm also debating going to the store and getting a soda, and also thinking i need to do laundry ... and all these options and indecision is paralyzing, and i'm not doing anything.
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