July 1st, 2003


He's home today.

Flea has to stay in a crate, though. He doesn't like that. I don't like that. I like having him by my side. But whatever it takes to make him better.

He doesn't know he's injured. The fact that he collapses when he tries to run doesn't stop him from continuing to try and run, and jump, and climb. But that stuff will make his injury worse, so he stays in his crate. Which makes both of us sad.

He's on a couple meds ... steroid pills and liquid tagamet. He's handling the steroids pretty well. I have to carry him out to go to the bathroom ... he can't go up and down the stairs ... he can't chase the cats ... i feel so bad for him, he doesn't know why his life is now so restricted.

I've got to give it time, to see if things get better, but I am not a patient woman ... i guess i have to be, though. We're going to recheck with Dr. Yasso on Tuesday. If he's not better, then we talk about doing a myleogram and maybe surgery. Which would be horribly expensive. But, he has insurance, which will cover most of it, and he is worth more than money to me. I'd do anything for him. Watch Kasey pull $3,000 out of a hat ...

So I've been trying to keep my own spirits up, but it's hard. I was doing well before this, not letting the small things get me down, staying positive, but this is too much. I was really having a hard time at work last night, losing the fight against the black clouds. But then Michael came by, and made me feel a bit better. A lot better. He's coming up here tonight ... always a happy thing.

And in trying to keep myself positive, I've been mentally inventorying the good and bad stuff.

Flea's back.
Money is ... hmm ... nonexistent right now.
parking ticket.
school stress.
work stress.
family stress.
friend stress.
Dent in car.
No time.
Bad dreams.

Got a B on a midterm that deserved a D.
My friends.
My family is being really supportive with Flea's medical problem.
Flea has the best vets in OC.
I have a new laptop that is so cool.
I have a house, a car, a great job.
I am in ... um ... i am experiencing a wonderful emotion that I am reluctant to discuss on LJ. And this is the best thing in my life right now. Best thing in a long time.

There are so many ups and downs right now ... daily life is like a roller coaster. But I'm really trying to stay upbeat, for my sake and Flea's.
  • Current Mood
    so messed up.