October 8th, 2003


No more, i swear.

I will, from this point until i change my mind, shut up for the moment about my reproductive organs. It's just been the center of my world lately, i've been having so many problems I haven't been able to focus on anything else. I think I have said all that has to be said about it ... I'm starting to feel better and will move on to other things ...

so today ... finally got to sleep at about 1 pm, woke up at 7:30pm and panicked because it was dark and i thought it was the middle of the night ... first full day of sleep I've had in a while ... got up, got ready, took a shower for the first time since sunday (yeah, i get all punkrock gross when i get sad) and hung out with my brother, his roomie, ands his roomie's dumb little girlfriend. Turned on the TV to see the election returns ... and all i really have to say is that this will be an interesting experiment, and I'm really glad it's not Bustamante. And yes, i did vote.

Michael called later, and i went over to his house for a bit, got dinner, talked. He's happy I'm not crazy anymore ...

We went to tc after a while. His friend Jimmy from the airforce was there, jimmy whom i have heard many stories of. It's odd ... you hear stories of people, and it paints a mental picture of the person, and then when you actually meet them, it seems ... off.

Interesting creature. Shiny boots. Fun to watch someone else (besides me) make fun of Michael.

I run into my co-workers in different places, and they inevitably bitch to me about each other ... and i don't care, they can all bite it ...

anyway, that was pretty much my night ... saw brett, ben, tyler, any, kelly, shaun, more that I have forgotten at tc. Went to work. I am (sorta) working.

So my project tonight is drug log - our Torb (synthetic opiate) is off by almost 30ml ... this is not good ... especially considering we only give maybe 0.1 - 0.5 ml at a time, this is a significant deficit. Valium is off, also. Phenobarb is off. And I am the one who gets to figure this shit out. Yay.

You'd think, in our crap economy, with unemployment as it is, good employees would be easier to find ... but no. Not ones that have any training or experience, anyway.

I'd like to have a little bit more motivations, more aspirations ... for a while now, it's taken most of my energy just to get through day-to-day life ... which is an achievement in itself for me, but i want to be able to do more ... get something accomplished one of these days.

tomorrow, i guess i'm coming down to OC again (assuming I wake up in time) and i don't know what the plan really is ... i think it involves michael and jimmy and tc ...

My mom gave me a chunk of money to watch her dog for her this weekend. I think it's odd, considering my brother's roomie is going to be there this weekend, and is perfectly capable of dog-watching. I think I'm being paid more to watch him and make sure there are no parties being thrown while they're gone ... either way, i'll take the money.
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Homer lying on couch
"Kids, you've tried your best and failed
miserably. The lesson is, never try." You
used to have a goal, a dream. But somewhere
along the way, you failed at acheiving this.
Now, you don't even try anymore. You've most
likely given up on things you once loved. While
this attitude can prevent failure from
occuring, it doesn't help you acheive your
dreams either. Realize that all dreams aren't
impossible, and that life is what you make of

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