February 14th, 2004


i dream of you sometimes ...

first, a question.
I want to splurge and take Michael out to eat. Somewhere nice, where I'll have to make reservations and maybe wear the fishnets without runs. not insanely expensive nice ... just nice. Does anyone have any ideas of any place in OC that might be good?

Had a miserable day with a lot of good stuff in it. I'm not doing really well emotionally. A hint for anyone who can use it - if you decide to quit smoking, make sure your first cigarette free days do not coincide with days of PMS.
I've been a sobbing, unstable bitch with no relief besides alcohol, limited by my need to drive places. Under any other circumstances, I would have had a great time seeing Babyland. Strange club, in what appears to be a converted house in mid-LA. Scary neighborhood. When I finally found the barely-labeled club (on my second pass down the street), we walked up to the front of it. Taped to the door was a sign -

"Please enter
from alley"

So we walk around the block to the alley, noting the homeless-people trash can fires across the street, and up the alley to the doorframe in the backyard of this building. Now the show was advertised as being 21+, which I had realized in the afternoon, and had to inform Tyler that I couldn't bring him. The emoish guy at the card table in the yard collecting door fees didn't look like he gave a damn who came through the door, though.

All in all, it was a neat setup. There was the backyard with chairs and ashtrays, which I had to avoid most of the time so that I didn't stare at the smokers. Through a curtain was a pitch black entry area. It took a few minutes to find it the first time through, but there was a door handle in there. The door led to a middle room containing a couple couches and a makeshift bar. It was here that we first encountered the nearly naked skinny guy, in little teeny shorts, makeup, and a green fright wig. He had a companion wandering about in a red vinyl catsuit with a very important part cut out ... we realized this when turning away from the bar with our drinks, he leaned over ... I think Michael was traumatized.

Beyond the room with the plywood bar was the room where the band played ... and it was really just that, a room. Slightly elevated stage, a couple speakers on stands. A DJ in between sets with this little portable dj unit about the size of one of those old box record players.

Babyland rocked my socks, as they always do.

I give this club about a month before it gets shut down. It looks like they advertise as an "art gallery" and let the bands do the promotion regarding the events. I love these little clubs ... Babyland is playing at the smell next month, and I'm going to try to switch my schedule around to see them there. Oh, and I was sad, I wanted to get their new CD but I had spent all my cash on beer. I'm a bad lush.

Driving up, I stopped at a gas station ... tried to pay with my bank card, like usual ... it didn't work, and the gas station had a sign posted saying "no credit, no debit - cash only". I found that odd, and still haven't been able to rationalize a reason why.

I'm thinking I'll save even more money than I anticipated by not smoking. Rarely did I walk into a gas station/liquor store/convenience store and just get a pack of smokes. It was nearly always a pack of smokes, a soda, maybe some munchies. $6-10 a trip, at least one trip daily.
If i can get through this first few days of badness I think I'll do okay. Michael and I were talking in the car ... a strong will doesn't make things any easier to do, it just makes things more likely to get done. So I am stubborn in my misery.
Goddamnit i want a motherfucking cigarette and i'm not going to let myself have one.

I find online tonight that ebay has books. Why am I surprised? Ebay has everything. I am now the proud owner of a book about the tower of london, and high bidder on a couple more english history books. I heart ebay today.

Michael is a very tolerant boy ... I would have punched me in the face today, if i had to deal with this behavior. I feel so out of control ... i cried so many times we were making jokes about it. Michael said happy things and I burst into tears just before dropping him off ... this better get better soon. I can't take it. I don't want to put him through it. I've got to train the new girl tomorrow, and I don't want to be a raging bitch through that. There are enough reasons for my co-workers to dislike me already.

speaking of work ... I've resisted the temptation all night to call Dr. Harris at home and see if she knows how the firing of Dr. Landerville went ... i can be such a gossip whore sometimes. Though I decided that's not my true whoredom. I'm a work whore. I was dubbed a work whore several years ago by a co-worker who realized I had shifts at three different emergency clinics.
Now I need to figure out what kind of whore Michael is.

The evil day star is coming out ... i should probably go sleep ... I hope i sleep better today than i did yesterday.
  • Current Mood
    cranky cranky

(no subject)

I really hate it when people delete entries. No, I don't hate it. It's just an annoyance of sorts, and it just proves a point to me ... some people don't want to deal with the repercussions of their words and actions. But i've just about given up on this one anyway, since every attempt I've made to be a good friend has been pushed away.

my brother has decided to hog the house computer downloading old tv shows, so here i sit in the kitchen, typing on my laptop. It would be okay if I didn't have to go through AOL to do it.

So after weeks of not being able to find any employees, I now have three people who want shifts. Funny how these things work out. So I've got to sit down with the doctor tonight and see if i can fire the one i want to fire before any more money disappears.

today is easier than yesterday, as far as the smoking goes. Of course, in every dream i had last night i was smoking. I woke up feeling guilty.

I'm almost looking forward to work tonight.
  • Current Mood
    irritated irritated