February 23rd, 2004


(no subject)

I can't find my phone. It's either at my mom's (likely), at Michael's (less likely), or in my car somewhere (remote possibility). irritating.

If you need to reach me (like anyone needs to talk to me) do so by e-mail until otherwise notified.

Michael woke me up yesterday by falling asleep next to me ... we napped for a while at my mom's house. I'm actually surprised that my mom didn't bitch at me for that ... this is the woman that made us separate beds when we went to the desert. She treats me like i'm 14 sometimes ...

we left for his house after spending a fair amount of time being berated by my mother. By the time we got there, i was well entrenched in sadness and apathy. Over time, he made it better, with time and whiskey and affection. I love him for his ability to pull me out of the worst of it.
we talked for a great length of time while cuddled up under covers ... many topics of great and little importance were covered ... this one of my favorite things with him, just being able to talk.

I left late into the night and came home ... woke up under two cats and a dog. They can't just sleep next to me ... they have to sleep on top of me.

Attempting, for the third time, to go to class today. "Principles of Management". I've scanned the text, and it looks dull as anything ... I'm sure this class will really be a thrill. Work tonight ... joy.
  • Current Music
    VAST - Pretty When You Cry

short days are getting tiresome

I miss summertime.
it's easier not to be sad in the summertime. it's brighter and there is more day. Sometimes i see daylight both before and after i go to work. Sometimes I wake up and it's still light out.
if i could find a way to get this without the heat, though ...

the sunset up here tonight was as pretty as it was during the fires ... purple light reflected through low clouds and mist ... if i wasn't already late for class, i would have grabbed my camera so i could watch it forever.

My speeding ticket came in the mail. Gotta find a way to pay for this, now. I think I can do traffic school. Traffic school is not fun. And not any easier for me to pay for. That's one of the things my mom and i got into it over last night ... it came to her house, so i had to hear her bitch about my driving.

dammit, i don't want to go to work. I don't want to have to leave here early just to go to my mom's house and get my phone. I want my house to be clean, and I want to be sitting here with a few friends, laughing and watching silly movies and drinking drinks with silly names. I want to be motivated. I want ... i want lots of stuff that I'm not going to have.

I want to go to school for the rest of my life. I want lots of letters after my name. This is something i think I can do.

If Michael doesn't have time to spend with me tomorrow, i think I'm just going to try and sleep all day, blot out the world and hope my dreams aren't more frightening than my life. At least my dreams of smoking stopped.

Management class was about as dull as I expected it to be, but my teacher seems good. He's got the dusty professor look ... hair a little messy, pants rumpled and a little too short, one shoelace dragging, and a pepe le pew tie. A big part of the grade is going to be a group project with oral presentation, and this scares me a bit. I don't like working with other people.

someone tell me to stop whining, please. I'm beginning to annoy myself.
if anyone wants to tell me they love me, that would be nice too. not that i'm begging for positive reinforcement or anything.
  • Current Music
    Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds - Do You Love Me?