a treasure chest of lust and mortal sin

I taste of Death. Doesn't everyone want a taste of death? Well they should. Most people deserve death. Keep away from me unless you think you're better than that. I probably won't like you. What Flavour Are You?

I try to be a happy person, and this is what i get. I taste like death.

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After a angsty, panicky morning, i got down here and michael immediately cheered me up. How it was done is not going to be discussed here.

Anyway, we had a really good night. Wahoo's for dinner, then grabbed some yummy beer and went to my parent's house to watch my two new DVD's - a Bill Hicks DVD, and season two of Absolutely Fabulous. Stuff that makes me laugh out loud. It was simple, it wasn't expensive, it was mostly just a lot of talking, and i was happy.

Plans are being made for a weekendy type trip. possibly involving a train. possibly to monterey.

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today is going to be a free-form day. I have to return the keg. I need a new tag for flea. other than that, no plans. at some point, i'm going to drive up to my house. maybe watch some AbFab. maybe do a little cleaning. you know, whatever.

A strange calm has settled over me this afternoon ... i don't feel stressed, or anxious, or worried ... it's all okay. i drove home, stopped at trader joe's. strangers smiled at me and i smiled back. i smiled at strangers and they smiled back.

i don't know what the fuck is up, but i'm going to enjoy it while i have it.

I've adopted michael's tea ritual, to an extent. it's very calming. yesterday, when i was freaking out by myself, i stopped. i filled a kettle with water and put it on to boil. I waited for the whistle, and then carefully poured the steaming water into a teapot, adding three packets of sweet herbal tea. For a while, i absorbed the warmth and fragrance, and finally poured myself a cup.
And it calmed me down. not the tea itself, but the ritual of it. i find myself doing it more and more when i need to slow my mind down for a moment.
It's taken me two years to understand it.

the house has been getting progressively cleaner today - i've really let it go since the last time michael was up here. What's the point of cleaning if no one is going to see it? but i enjoy this place, and i can do things just for myself. it's okay.

the keg has been returned. it was a bitch to lug that thing downstairs in heels.

i feel so weird. maybe this is normal.