November 21st, 2004

camera

(no subject)

i'm usually quite used to living alone - most of the time i appreciate it. My home is the first place I've lived by myself. Usually, i'm not scared. But the other night, i couldn't sleep. Every sound downstairs had to be investigated (and when you live with four cats, there are lots of sounds). I spent half the night creeping around in my robe, thinking that someone was in my house.

Paranoia isn't fun.

Maybe it's because i watched that scary movie the other day. Scary movies do stuff like that to me. I'm still having zombie nightmares after seeing Shaun of the Dead.

I would have loved to go to the Josie party last night, but i know where i'm not wanted, and i had to work anyway. I can't ever do anything on a saturday night.

so i'm here, and i'm feeling disconnected from the world - i'll go to work tonight and be Professional Kasey for ten hours, then go home and be silent and alone. Work contact never really counts as human contact to me - those people are paid to be there and have to be nice to me.

I need to learn to like the idea of being alone, because it doesn't look like i'm going to not be alone anytime in the foreseeable future. and i don't know that there's any use being optimistic anymore ... what's the point? i should be realistic and accept the situation.
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