January 7th, 2005

geisha

angst.

Thanks to a former friend who twisted my written words to support what she wanted to believe, i am now afraid to be completely truthful in this forum.

Not that i would lie here. that would be pointless. I just don't feel that i can be as open as i once was. I want to be able to say that I had a bad day without anyone choosing the cause, or say that I'm not happy without someone deciding that I need to change my life.

Anyway, I'm not happy. Why? you may ask, and i'll tell you that it's none of your business, and i don't want to get into it. There are so many directions things could go right now, and the though of all the possibilities is overwhelming.

Don't expect me to leave my house much anytime soon. it's not worth it, most of the time.

maybe someday, people will come out here to see me. maybe not.

thank you to vtron21 for putting together this awesome computer for me. I could never have asked for such a favor.
  • Current Music
    silence
francine upset

(no subject)

I'm sleeping 12 hours a day.

I'm not even bothering to get out of my robe anymore.
I got dressed and went out yesterday and i didn't end up feeling any better by the time i came back, so today i'm watching dvd's in my robe. My phone has rung once, and i didn't even get the benefit of a conversation from it. my head hurts. my jaw hurts.

i can't have what i really want.

i feel like i'm half asleep when i'm awake ... i just can't get out of this fog. every movement is in slow motion, like i've ingested far too many muscle relaxants. hey, now there's an idea.
  • Current Mood
    depressed depressed