May 3rd, 2005


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Another day, more self pity.
Today was better than yesterday, though. Probably because there was more to do. Steph gives good advice - a little bit back, she told me to keep busy. Then, I wasn't even capable of that. Now, i can at least get out, distract myself ... it's still always there, but i'm not overwhelmed.
Now i just have to keep myself from doing anything stupid. Too often.

Had a relatively stable case go to shit on me rapidly last night. A snailbait toxicity, being maintained on a pentobarbitol drip to control the seizures. A chemical coma. Doing well enough that I wasn't constantly monitoring it - i even left for a few minutes to go get food. I was doing its five am treatments - lube eyes, turn, suction mouth, etcetera. The number on the pulse oximeter (machine that measures oxygen concentration in the blood) started to fall. My first thought was of machine error. If the clamp slips or the tongue is too dry, it won't read properly. But the machine was working well. I looked at the patient - a little tiny pomeranian, dwarfed under blankets and hot watter bottles - and quickly realized that he had suddenly stopped breathing. We pulled him out and started breathing for him with a bag, and eventually got the ventilator set up and going. Even off his pento drip, he wouldn't breathe on his own.

I'm glad i was standing right there, working on him when he stopped breathing. Otherwise, he may have just slipped away, or been much worse off before we caught it. I hope he's still there tonight when i go back.

I'm dying of the hiccups.

Lots to do today, no time to do it in. - I have court with Central wednesday morning, so i have to put together a somewhat conservative outfit for that. Can't really hide the hair, though. All the paperwork is organized and ready to go. Those fuckers are so toast. I need to get together an outfit for Maschine. Have to do laundry and take care of the animals, too, since i won't be back until wednesday night. I cleaned out the parakeet's cage the other day, and gave him bunches of new toys i bought for him. He didn't seem to care. The parrot was jealous. Maybe I'll go get him some new toys this week.

I need a reason to clean my house. Maybe I'll have a party soon.
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