May 18th, 2005

fireaga

It's just a ride.

"It's just a ride, and we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money, a choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your door, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one."
- Bill Hicks




Sometimes, i have to keep reminding myself that I am in control here.
Sometimes, being in control just means that I, and I alone, am responsible for my unhappiness, my frustration, whatever shitty situation that i happen to be stuck in. But it's mine, and I alone can change it.

That being said, i'm doing my best to get drunk. Because that's what I want to do right now. Because, at this moment, that is what I feel is best for Me. Buying beer at 9am always gets me funny looks at the grocery store. Steph, if i look a little less than perky at work tonight, you'll know why.
I doubt beer is good for my diet.

If we capitalize "I", why don't we capitalize "Me"? I think i just might from now on.




My plans have changed, a little bit. Instead of meeting Danny up here Thursday and going to Perversions, I found out that I have to be in OC on Thursday night, because I (weeks ago) agreed to dog-sit my mom's dog this weekend. So Thursday morning, i will come home from work and go to bed. I will wake up, go to class, and then get dressed (quickly) and put on make up (quickly) and drive to OC (quickly), in order to arrive at Perv at a reasonable hour.

and to think, i never used to go out on school nights because it was such a hassle.




I laughed last night, at a co-worker who freaked out when another female co-worker took a bag of trash outside *gasp* without a male escort. The dumpster is maybe twenty feet from the building, in the middle of a lit parking lot. My co-worker (we'll call her "A", because I am too annoyed to type out her name), Realized that Renee had gone to take out the trash, and started on a rant about how dangerous it was to go outside as a female, and how we should never go out alone ... and blah blah blah, on and on. One bit of it was "what if there are a bunch of guys out there with knives or guns?" Don't worry, honey, i'm sure they're not after you.
I don't work graves because i'm afraid of night. I'll be damned if i'm afraid to be alive just because i'm female. I was so pissed off at A, but i didn't say a whole lot ... i've been trying to not start drama at work.

I was trying so hard to not be cranky at work last night, but failing miserably. I even handed off the keys to someone so i could step outside for a few minutes ... it only helped for a little while. I just had no patience.

i think i'm drunk now. i'll stumble up to bed.
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