May 31st, 2005

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I don't know what to feel, what to say.
Getting through last night at work was an ordeal ... i didn't cry.

I shouldn't be discussing my emotions with anyone, because i'm not even sure what they are right now. love and hate and confusion and resentment and hurt and that horrible stabbed-in-the-back-betrayal feeling.
that empty feeling in my heart.
the one where your heart is a rock that sits in the the pit of your stomach, tight and painful and impossible to ignore.

if i didn't have to go to work tonight, i'd be so happy to take a couple vikodin, curl up in my bed, and not leave for a while.

christ ... hurt me, use me, abuse me ... just don't lie to me.
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