October 3rd, 2005


who are my friends anyway?

It's funny ...
I'm terrified and he's totally calm, and i always thought it would be the other way around.

There's so much I just can't bring myself to write here. There are only a couple people on my list that I really consider to be friends anymore. I've learned this year that I have to be very careful about who I trust. To be honest, I feel safer sharing my thoughts with the people I barely know. People who don't know me can't hurt me.

So I don't write on here the conversations whispered under blankets, the plans made, the small sweet things that make me smile. I don't write the sticky, sweaty details. Because I don't trust, everyone gets the thin slice of my life that is safe to share. Work, cats, family, hair and makeup. No love, no sex, none of the things that really matter. Certainly not my hopes and dreams ... I've already found that people will sabotage my small plans, so the big plans are not for sharing.

The things that I want to remember forever, I can't write here. I could play filter games, but it's not my style. I'm not even a fan of "friends-only" posts ... that's a joke, anyway.

i should stop my rambling before i really piss anyone off.

we did dinner tonight, and drew with crayons on a paper tablecloth. I drew flames, houses, and renal structures. He wrote of naughty things using big medical words. Back to his house, cuddling and Nip/Tuck (I'm hopelessly addicted, and just got season 2 on DVD). Lots and lots of talking ...

School and work tomorrow. I'm not so much looking forward to either one.