kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,
kasey
allthingsshiny

  • Mood:
So I managed to make another night out completely miserable, save an hour or so. I ruined the plans of other people and feel incredibly guilty about it. there's a huge symbolic issue hanging over everything that i need to resolve, and i'm not going to be happy until i resolve it. I know it's irrational, but i don't need that word thrown at me like an insult. No one else can know why things are important to me.

Went horribly hypoglycemic in the middle of everything last night, which doesn't help to make me any more rational or logical. Cranky and stressed, maybe.

I should find out today whether or not i'll be able to go to Monterey. I'll either be elated or totally let down, depending on the answer i get. If i don't get a vacation of some sort soon, i'm going to break. maybe i'm already broken.

I feel like something's missing from my life, there's a void that i'm trying to fill. drinking doesn't do it, pills don't do it, and i don't have many other options available to me. I don't want to feel like this for the rest of my life, but the way things look now, nothing even has a chance of improving for at least a couple years, and then there's no promises.

i feel like such a burden.
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