i'm an admitted escapist. i want to escape. i'm looking desperately for an escape and i don't have one.
there were all these places i had planned to go - monterey, the river, new orleans ... i can't really imagine going alone. the silence takes up too much space.
i'm drinking purple wine from a dirty glass and it's stronger than i expected ... combined with the fact that i've been unable to eat ... i'm fucked up.
everyone has advice, everyone wants to make me feel better ... as nice as it all is, it doesn't work. I've got a some good friends, though ... the ones that listen to me sob into the phone, tell me stories to make me laugh, and just understand that i'm miserable and it's okay and it's just the way it's going to be for right now.
just knowing that nothing will make me feel better is a horrible feeling in itself.
