i was doing okay for a little while, and then i went and made myself cry again.

people keep promising me that it gets better, it gets easier ... i think people lie to me.

the irrational decision i've made for today is this: I should never fall in love again, because I don't want to risk this kind of pain ever again ... no one should go through this, and i won't put myself through it twice.

three days to sit and think ...

i have sunday off, and plan to spend it torturing myself just that much more. and i will enjoy it.

I'm trying to get things together ... get my bills paid, do some homework ... i get little bits done and lose my focus. Work is getting a bit easier, i keep myself busy. Emergency medicine is great for me and my lack of attention span.

For doing this to myself, my relationship, my life, i hate me.