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fuck it all

i was doing okay for a little while, and then i went and made myself cry again.

people keep promising me that it gets better, it gets easier ... i think people lie to me.

the irrational decision i've made for today is this: I should never fall in love again, because I don't want to risk this kind of pain ever again ... no one should go through this, and i won't put myself through it twice.

three days to sit and think ...

i have sunday off, and plan to spend it torturing myself just that much more. and i will enjoy it.

I'm trying to get things together ... get my bills paid, do some homework ... i get little bits done and lose my focus. Work is getting a bit easier, i keep myself busy. Emergency medicine is great for me and my lack of attention span.

For doing this to myself, my relationship, my life, i hate me.

Comments

( 6 made me bleed — cut me )
rusty_sunshine
Mar. 23rd, 2005 08:40 pm (UTC)
Sunday off, eh?
allthingsshiny
Mar. 24th, 2005 04:59 am (UTC)
yeah - i got Levi to cover my shift.

guess whose birthday it is ... i'm taking him out to dinner.
rusty_sunshine
Mar. 24th, 2005 07:35 am (UTC)
Really, who?
allthingsshiny
Mar. 24th, 2005 07:59 am (UTC)
it starts with "M" and ends with "ichael".

his birthday ... so i'm taking out for persian food. i'm taking a day off work to take the man who broke up with me out to dinner for his birthday. and i'll probably buy him presents too.

why does love make one stupid?
rusty_sunshine
Mar. 24th, 2005 08:01 am (UTC)
Now, if I had that answer, do you think I would still be working for a living?
allthingsshiny
Mar. 24th, 2005 08:13 am (UTC)
if you had that answer, i think i'd hire you as my personal life consultant.
( 6 made me bleed — cut me )

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