not the big important thing, no. still sadness and hurt.
but other things - my living situation, my vacation plans - a few phone calls, some text messages, and things are looking up.
And i've got a lot of work to do.
I need to pull up the carpet in my spare bedroom and replace it with linoleum or pergo. I've been planning to for a while, but now i'm motivated. Tonight, after my outing, i will clean. Saturday night i will shop. Sometime between then and steph's wedding, i will re-floor the room. And not fuck it up.
and i will also go to the river, and lie on the sand and drink beer until the water doesn't feel cold anymore.
it's nice, sometimes.
it's almost good.
still ... my heart just hurts.
it's not getting easier - easier to hide, but really ... i'm working myself to death to provide a distraction, trying to maintain my dignity and keep myself guarded.
but i'd be lying if i said i'm happy. i'm sad, i'm alone, i dont really have words for this feeling.
I went to visit a school today that i may start attending in June. They accidentally gave me two different versions of the placement test, and i took both of them, because it amuses me to know all the answers. I'll get accepted, and i will probably go. I don't really have anything else to be doing. pretending to go to college. Working myself to death.
i could really use a beer this morning.