kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

  • Mood:

Manic Depression's a frustrating mess.

I slept very little yesterday. I went out all day and spent tons of money.
I stayed up half the night painting the bathroom purple.
I didn't sleep until 3am, and woke up at 6am.
I'm obsessing ... every thought is of the same subject, and i know at least one person who is sick of hearing it.
you all should see my emails ... ten thousand words that all say the same thing.
desperation isn't attractive on anyone.
anyway, i think it may be possible that i am going through a manic phase. At least i'm balancing productive and destructive this time.

My depressing thought of the morning is that i'm never going to find another Michael ... he was everything i wanted, and i've never seen anyone else who even came close to being that. Should i resign myself to a life alone, knowing that no one will measure up?
i hate the days where thoughts like this follow me through everything ...

i want to start over, but there is no second chance. as i have been told over, and over, and over again.

this is the most depressed manic stage i've ever been through.

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