kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

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too sad for a subject.

Now that my hair is almost completely purple, i have this odd, strong desire to dye my hair black. looking at some old pictures, i thought it looked nice ... but then, it may just have been good lighting.

i have short attention span when it comes to hair color.

I'm not having a good day. I'm having an insecure, sad, needy, lonely day. not the kind of lonely anyone can fix, either. Days like this, when i get bored and start reading old e-mails, looking at old pictures, and remembering what it felt like, back then ...
and this is how i fuck myself over.
and this is also why i go out every night, why i drink, why i dance and make the world a blur ... so i don't stop to think. so i don't remember.
it's dangerous when i'm alone.

time hasn't really healed anything. time has allowed me to learn how to cope. time has allowed for plenty of distraction. In the end, it's just as fresh and raw, under the haze.

time to go to work ... put on lip gloss and a cold fake smile and don't say anything to anyone, lest they realize that i'm human. Ice queen is the easiest veneer.

and i'll get through this day, and i'll get through the next, and the next ... i just have to wonder when it won't be a struggle again.

and he goes on without me, and if that's what is best, there's never going to be anything i can do.

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