kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

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i'm getting too old for this

I can't keep up.
My fun friends go out every night and drink and dance. I can't keep up, i don't have the time and energy, and heaven knows i'm not cool enough. My clothes are clearance rack.

I dream of this domestic life I cna't quite manage ... I'd be happy to stay in, cook dinner, knit sweaters and walk the dogs. Maybe get all dressed up and go out once every week or so.

I'm getting old, i want my stability. I want friends that are in the same place i'm at, or i want to have the freedom that they do. I'm not sure.
I want to not have the sense that I'm liked only conditionally, that i'll lose to the better choice. Last picked for the team, it may not make sense, but it's my journal, it doesn't really have to.

There is no clear plan right now. I have no idea where i'll be in any more than a few months from now. Michael and I are both in careers where we could go anywhere, and sometimes i just want to go, to find a new place and start over. At the same time, I've got a great job with lots of potential and better money than I would make anywhere else. We've got family and at least a couple friends here, we just can't afford to live in OC. Honestly, I think we could be happy just about anywhere, but our only ties are to here.
I want a plan. If i don't have a goal, i go nowhere.

oh, the angst.

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