kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,
kasey
allthingsshiny

  • Mood:
  • Music:

i'm getting too old for this

I can't keep up.
My fun friends go out every night and drink and dance. I can't keep up, i don't have the time and energy, and heaven knows i'm not cool enough. My clothes are clearance rack.

I dream of this domestic life I cna't quite manage ... I'd be happy to stay in, cook dinner, knit sweaters and walk the dogs. Maybe get all dressed up and go out once every week or so.

I'm getting old, i want my stability. I want friends that are in the same place i'm at, or i want to have the freedom that they do. I'm not sure.
I want to not have the sense that I'm liked only conditionally, that i'll lose to the better choice. Last picked for the team, it may not make sense, but it's my journal, it doesn't really have to.

There is no clear plan right now. I have no idea where i'll be in any more than a few months from now. Michael and I are both in careers where we could go anywhere, and sometimes i just want to go, to find a new place and start over. At the same time, I've got a great job with lots of potential and better money than I would make anywhere else. We've got family and at least a couple friends here, we just can't afford to live in OC. Honestly, I think we could be happy just about anywhere, but our only ties are to here.
I want a plan. If i don't have a goal, i go nowhere.

oh, the angst.
Subscribe

  • everything came together perfectly

    I'm in Nashville. In my beautiful house, with all my wonderful animals, and i'm in love with the man sleeping with his head on my lap right now.…

  • unburdening

    Writing it all out last night took a huge load off my heart. He was here today, and we talked about a lot of stuff. I know we can't be married.…

  • what the fuck happened to my marriage?

    He left me. I don't want to be writing this down. I don't want to see it in print. I drop hints and talk about my misery and beg for support from…

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
  • 2 comments