kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,

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I used to drink

I uded to drink quite a bit. I don't anymore and I don't know why. Wouldn't bother me so much if I made some sort of a decision about it, but I didn't. I just don't get it anymore. I used to understand. Now I find that even when I drink, I don't get drunk. I've tried to get drunk. I carry whiskey with me almost always, just in case of an emergency that requires whiskey. But I only drink what I need. Am I a low level alcoholic? I can't see the entire point of an evening being to get drunk. It doesn't work for me.

Point being, something changed and I don't know what or why, and that bothers me.

Michael and I were talking, and the subject came up that I used to run with punks, and look all butch, his comment was "it seems so out of character for you" my response was, "but nothing is out of character for me." And he agreed ... but it got me wondering ... how fluid is my personality? I've made complete changes, several times in my life, as to who I am, or if not "who" I am, but how I indentify/am identified. None intentionally, but the changes are made. People that have known me for years note it when they see me ... Does everyone do this? Am I more or less fluid than most? Am I absolutely paranoid even bothering to think about this? Was it the drugs? Whole phases of my life were created depending what I was on. Is this the real me now? Or maybe all of it was the real me ... fragmented. Stretched over a timeline.

Ok ... I think I'm just going to go with paranoid and overthinking things. Had to get these thoughts out of my head. And the idea that "nothing is out of character for me" is really growing on me ... leaves my options open.

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