i always have these nagging doubts, and maybe I would save myself so much pain if i listened to them ... on the other hand, i never know who or what to listen to anymore ... if i believe what i am told, i know one thing ... if i believe what i read, i know another ... if i believe what others tell me, i know something completely different. And none of it fits, makes any sense to me ... i just have this feeling that I'm being left out of some loop here. I've become a character, an object in someone else's life.

some serious talking needs to go on and i need to have the balls to do it.

I saw a friend this morning, someone who has made a bit of a disappearance lately. And while comforted to see him, I don't know if I'm more or less worried about him now. But I'm glad to know that I haven't lost a friend. I wish I could make everything better ... but I can't ... to hear someone talk about how fucked their life has become, and all I can do is agree ... frustrating, but at least I can be there for him.