But there is a point ... i like being able to look back and get a clear picture. To tag the landmarks of my life for review and further education. Now I just make notes like scraps of paper ... inconsequential and lost in the wind.
Maybe I need to bring back this old habit?
Life is ok right now. I miss my dad every day, though it truly has been years since he was wholly my dad. I will admit, when the bad days outnumbered the good days, I didn't visit as much. I couldn't take it. Charles said I would regret it, that I would wish I had spent as much time as possible with him, but I don't regret it. I am happiest remembering him as he was in his prime - smart, funny, sharp-tongued and happy.
The "service" was huge. My dad had not wanted a funeral, so we had a party. There is no official count, but somewhere between 500-600 people showed up. Jason Rupert started up his nitro car after Andy, Brad, and I said some words. That was hard ... to go in front of this group of friends, family, racers, and strangers, and to try and convey how proud I was to be my father's daughter, how much he meant to me.
I worry about my mom. She fakes being ok like I do.
The National Dragster that I pulled out of the mailbox today has a full page picture of my dad's 1974 Air Force-sponsored funny car. I cried when I saw it. He did such amazing things, and what am I? How do I live up to that legacy?
Working today on cleaning, trying to get the house fixed up. House fixing up costs money, but cleaning is almost free. Got a new garbage disposal today ($80), new screen doors will have to wait until next paycheck. Pity, such nice weather lately to leave the doors open. Charles has been working on his bike all day. I hate his bike and am sure that it is cursed, but he loves it no matter how many times he has to weld it.