kasey (allthingsshiny) wrote,
kasey
allthingsshiny

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bitterness, as usual ...

The more anyone tries to make me feel obligated to go to their show/party/event/whatever the more likely I am to resist going ... If I'm going to do something, it's because I have chosen to do that thing, not because I owe anyone anything ... especially when I don't owe shit.

sorry ... just got off the phone with someone trying to decide my social activities for me, and I'm a little riled about it ...

totally bombed my midterm today, but so did the rest of the class. The teacher does not speak such great english, so many of the questions were worded in quite a confusing manner. And on a 40 question test, probably 5 of the questions were repeated at least twice, so if I didn't know one thing, I lost two points ... i don't really fucking care, though ... i studied, i did the best i could ... i understand the class and the concepts, and that's what matters to me. Bigger things in the world to worry about than one bad midterm.

Michael and I ended up talking about politics, psychology, all sorts of stuff last night. An interesting, rambling, alcohol fed conversation ... i love that he has a brain, and encourages me to use mine ...




Spite and defiance keep me going ...
Spite and defiance kept me alive, in one instance ... sometimes, it's all I have left ... malice and malevolence and the wish to not let things be easy for those around me ...
if not for that, none of you would have ever met me ...

my mind has been on a morbid track today ... was thinking all this while in class trying to listen to lecture ... and he bastard teacher gave us an hour for the midterm, and then we sat through two hours of lecture ... argh ... kill ...




work tonight ... blech ... breakfast in the morning with Dr, Harris and Naomi ... should be fun.

I don't know how I'm going to do this with Flea with me ... he may have to stay at the hospital while I go out ... hmm.




I have so much to be joyously happy about, and I am really happy ... at the same time, I have so much anger, and resentment in me ... if i could ever figure out why ... maybe i just need more sleep ...




Listening to Social Distortion today ... love this lyric ... it's simple, but i know the feeling ...

Let it be me-if you're lonely
Let it be me-your one and only
Let it be me-to satisfy you
Let it be me-if your feelin' blue


I worry, sometimes, that my insecurity will fuck things up ... it's hard to keep under control ...
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